Top ten Tips for Choosing a Classy, Not Trashy Ball Gown

It’s that season again for this Underwater Corps Spouse. Our birthday ball is fast approaching and USMC spouses everywhere are out looking for that perfect dress. Also how i covet our male counterparts in the military ball dresses for sale spouse world this season. What man doesn’t look good in a tux? And short of leasing a powdered blue one with a neon green cummerbund… you really can’t go wrong. But for the ladies, well, a lot can go wrong. Over the past 13 years I have been experience to some serious fashion disasters.


Much like that picture of the big, furry spider your friend contends on posting in your newsfeed… those are images that you just can’t get out of your head. This is the perfect time to tackle a top-notch Ten List that can help people show up to whatever ball we will attend this year looking our best. Be informed. I am old fashioned. I am a fierce advocate of covering your behind. If you are terrible curved on wearing that cute little number you found in the Fredrick’s of The movies Catalog… this piece might not be for you. I need us to stay friends. Let’s just agree to disagree, ok? Top ten Tips for Choosing a Classy, Not Trashy Sweetheart Brush Train Chiffon A Line Evening/Military Ball Dress 10) Floor length is best. Also, I know, I know… that’s an old-fashioned statement. To be fair, Used to do just warn you. If you are ball is considered formal, then it is traditional to wear something floor length. How do you know if it is formal?


A good rule of thumb is to find out what uniform is required of your spouse. In the Underwater Corps, if they are wearing their dress blues (especially when they are wearing medals and not just wide lace), it is appropriate to wear a formal gown. Formal indicates floor length. 9) If not floor length, then PLEASE check the wind advisory. If there is any chance, at all, that your gown will not completely cover your bottom for any reason or at any point in the evening… get another gown. This includes wind, dancing or folding over to grab your purse. We don’t really want to see your thong underwear… we might rather leave that up to the imagination, thank you. Remember ladies… if your tips of your fingers touch weed when you put them because of your side… there is a chance we can see more than you want. In the age of camera phones… well, I am just trying to have your back… in a types of speaking. 8) There should be no reason for recording. If so that your clothe yourself in place you require any form of tape… sports recording, hiding recording, duct tape… it might be time to re-think your selection. I don’t really think this needs further explanation, do you? 7) Your dress shouldn’t look like a jigsaw challenge missing pieces.


 Guess what happens After all. Discomfort seen dresses with slits up to the crotch, non-existent backs which come very close to being an after school special about the dangers of crack, or mid-sections that look like these were cut out by a kindergartener who didn’t have a snooze. It is not important if you have a body that would make Barbie jealous… formal attire means that clothing starts somewhere at the top of your body, ends somewhere under the knees… and there are no holes in between. 6) We all appreciate a great set of knockers, but not for dinner. If the only thing regarding the nipple and the eyes of your husband’s Ordering Police officer is a centimeter of fabric or one wrong twist to reach for your ice tea… Houston, we have a problem. For goodness sake… cover the girls, please. We all know they are there… I promise. 5) Know your TRUE size. You will not read a status update from me bragging about how I finally fit back into those size 4 jeans from high school. (Lets totally skip over the fact that they would be acid cleansed and tight-rolled anyway). I am not a thin woman. But no matter what size you are, you can find a dress that fits, covers all the right parts, and still looks classy. Last time I checked no one was asking to see size tags when they take your ticket. So forget what the stupid tag says and get clothing that fits. I know I don’t care what size the gown claims to be. I don’t want to spend the whole night feeling like a stuffed chicken with cute jewelry. 4) Color matters. It is not always possible to find a dress that “matches” a spouse’s uniform in whatever small town the military moved you to this year. But, there are some things that probably should be avoided. Neon is not a good look for anyone. It wasn’t in the 80’s either. It is not coming back. Let’s move on. The same costs any images that try to look like an animal on safari. I promise, in 10 years you will cringe every time you see that picture hanging in the passageway. And you will always wonder if the DJ’s selection of “Eye of the Tiger” was intended just for you. 3) Do not shop in the Prom section. Have you seen one lately? It is like a Toddlers and Tiaras episode gone very wrong. Every time my hubby passes by one, he buys a new rifle in anticipation of prom night in a few short years. I promise, if you shop in the prom section of your local department store… you should throw away all of these guidelines and get out the Fredrick’s catalog.